Ye Olde Fiancé

Andie developed a certain fascination with British men at a very young age.

Raised on a steady diet of Brit-pop bands like Duran Duran and the British TV series The Adventures of Black Beauty, Andie spent much of her teen years dreaming about someday landing her own version of Simon LeBon.

Now 36 years-old and well past the smarmy influences of her teen years, Andie admits she still gets a bit weak in the knees every time she hears a refined British accent. She hasn't exactly been holding out for a British guy, but her past certainly might help explain her current 500-count pure mutton bedsheets.

Andie's best friend Sarah recently came across a nice looking British gentleman on the popular dating site match.com, so of course Sarah couldn't help but pass along his profile to Andie. Andie didn't belong to match.com, but she perused the gentleman's profile for a few minutes and she certainly liked what she saw.

Simon was a single and successful British construction foreman living in Andie's hometown of Minneapolis, and Simon's profile reflected both his intelligence and a dry, witty sense of humor. He was handsome, and contrary to our American stereotype of the British, his teeth didn't resemble an unkempt picket fence in rural Wyoming. Acting on a whim, Andie joined match.com and fired off a letter of interest to Simon.

Simon quickly responded with his own email, which Andie describes in her letter as "charming, friendly, and non-creepy." And as we all know here on PLFM, that's like getting a visit from the fucking Prize Patrol. Andie and Simon agreed to meet for a brief brunch the following weekend.

"Brief" it was not.

Simon and Andie spent nearly four hours together that morning, flirting and laughing and pretty much carrying on like a bunch of loose-moraled schoolgirls. Simon was much more attractive in person than his online pictures had indicated, and his voice instantly reduced her to a pasty marmalade. "I felt the long forgotten, floaty, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling," says Andie. After breakfast, Simon walked Andie to her car and gave her a hug, followed by a round of passionate kissing that may have thrilled the participants, but likely caused innocent passersby to struggle with their recently ingested shrimp cocktails.

Simon sent her a few cute texts after their date, and called Andie three days later to ask her out again. Their second date went even better than the first, and from that point forward the two became virtually inseparable. Simon eventually confessed he had never felt like this about a woman before, and Andie felt exactly the same way about Simon. "You won't be my girlfriend for long, you know," Simon said with a wry smile, "I'm the marrying kind."

And so we begin a look at one of hundreds of Simon's gushy emails .... a few of which we'll disperse throughout this post.

From: Simon XXXXXXXXXXXX
To: Andie XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I hope your back feels better and you didn't work too hard on your day off.

Talking with you this morning was wonderful and it made my Monday morning feel like a Friday afternoon. Thank you!

I am so looking forward to seeing you on Thursday and know that the week will drag until then! Have a great Tuesday!




Simon
soppy pic but couldn't help myself (just don't tell anyone I'm a real softy, ok?)

If you ever wonder how the United States defeated the British Army in 1776, the last part of that email might help explain it. Softies.

In the ensuing weeks, Simon and Andie enjoyed romantic dinners and spent an endless string of passionate nights together. They took long walks in the park, and Simon happily introduced Andie to his beloved dog Rugby. Andie had never felt so much passion for a man in her life. They went on shopping sprees together, with Simon even footing the bill for a $500 trip to Victoria's Secret as the accompanying receipt attests:


From: Simon XXXXXXXXXXXXX
To: Andie XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My dearest Andie,

It is six days since I first got to sit with you and look into your beautiful eyes as we shared ourselves with each other. Somehow, within that short time span, saying "my" in front of your name seems so natural and right!

I adore hearing your "hi honey" when you answer the phone. In my mind I can see your smile as we are talking. I hear the genuine excitement in your voice and a passion for life in your words. I know that when I see you today all of these things will be intensified immensely.

You already know that I like to be an open book when it comes to my emotions. In that spirit I want you to know that I adore you with a passion! The mere thought of you and the way your words lodge in my soul make my heart pound and enhances me as a person beyond measure. Your touch last Friday was so intense to me that it stays with me even now.

As we spend time together I want you to know that you can hold these promises as true:
1.) I will never hold back my feelings (good or bad).
2.) I will never lie to you! (no matter what).
3.) I will always treat you with respect, even in the throws of a heated discussion.
4.)I will always respect your wishes and opinions (I rely on you to articulate what they are!)

On a lighter note, the following rules apply:
1.) First and foremost you are a princess and will be treated as such at all times.
2.) Affection and passion will accompany my every action towards you.
3.) I am an Englishman and need my tea!
4.) Never, ever finish a day angry or upset with each other.

The final and golden rule is to put passion in every moment spent together. One life to live - love every minute of it.

You are an amazing woman and I am so thankful and in a constant state of wonder that you make me want to write everything I have here and more and perhaps that is why calling you "my Andie" is so soul calming, heart-racing right!

Simon x

1:45am P.S. Darling, we have just finished our call of 1 hour and 40 minutes and I find myself wishing that I had ended by telling you that despite all conventional wisdom that I love you and am in love with you. Good night my beautiful, wonderful you.

After soiling the entirety of Andie's new lingerie collection in a matter of six weeks, Simon asked Andie to start looking for a wedding dress suitable for a romantic beach wedding ceremony. Andie admits she was cautious, but she couldn't resist her feelings for Simon- he was exactly the type of man she had spent her entire life searching for. She was simply living a dream she'd had since childhood. "I only have one question for you," Simon stated, "gold- or platinum?"

From: Simon XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To: Andie XXXXXXXXXXXXX

You ever need or want to follow your dreams my love, just ask for.

I will move heaven and earth to to get and give it to you. you are amazing and I see in your passion for both what you do to earn money now and in the future wealth of your writing great potential and remember that you have already achieved the greatest heights in both.

The rest of the world just hasn,t caught on yet

I love you my dearest love and long to have you in my arms again

Your ever loving

Simon
xxxxxxxx

As the relationship progressed, Simon even took Andie to a house he had hired his construction company to refurbish for them as a couple, and told her of his plans to purchase another cottage back home in Brighton, England, right next to the home of his family.

From: Simon XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To: Andie XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Whenever you get this know that with every fiber of my being I love you. Thank you for an amazingly beautiful day yesterday and a soul quenching night.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your simon xxx ooo xxx

Exactly two months into their relationship, Andie found herself preparing for yet another romantic date with Simon when the phone suddenly rang. Andie picked up the phone to find a hysterical Simon.

Rugby, Simon's beloved dog, had run into the street and was struck violently by a passing car. Rugby suffered serious injuries, and Simon didn't know if the dog would survive. He was rushing Rugby to an emergency animal hospital 45 minutes away, and he had to cancel their date for the evening. Rugby would obviously need several major surgeries, and Simon promised to call her with an update as soon as he found out the extent of his dog's injuries.

Andie completely understood, and told Simon to just worry about his dog.

Andie hung up the phone, and never heard Simon's voice again.

Ever.

He didn't answer his phone, his texts, or his emails. It was as if he had simply vanished from the face of the earth.

Three days later Andie's phone rang. Frantic with worry, Andie rushed to answer but, unfortunately, it wasn't Simon. Rather, the caller asked if Andie had seen or heard from Simon lately. Thinking it was Simon's employer, Andie explained the harrowing phone call and the injuries to Rugby, but no, she hadn't heard from him since his trip to the emergency vet. Perhaps, she wondered, had the caller heard of any new information?

The caller provided Andie with plenty of new information.

"Simon is my husband, " said the voice on the other end of the phone.

Andie initially felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, immediately followed by a sudden urge to purchase a novelty t-shirt on eBay featuring a lollipop and the word "Sucker" printed in an extra large font.

"I guess Simon wasn't lying when he said he was the marrying kind," says Andie.

Some might also suggest he wasn't lying when he said "I will never lie to you!", but rather Simon simply forgot to include the crucial modifier " .. unless words are coming out of my mouth."

Simon wasn't single.

And Rugby wasn't hurt.

In fact, Simon's wife pointed out that Rugby was in fact her dog, and he was sitting right there in the living room as they spoke, probably licking an asshole that tasted remarkably like Simon.

The house in Minneapolis? Horse shit.

Cottage in Brighton? Nope.

His apartment? Nope. His friend Scott's.

Gold or Platinum? "Lead," Andie might now say, imagining a large target focused on a certain pair of gamy British testicles.

As it turns out, Andie was simply the caboose car in a long train of girlfriends Simon had hidden from his wife during their seven years of marriage. His wife only figured it out in Year 5.

Adds Andie:

I am 36 years old, I've had several long-term relationships, and I go on a lot of dates. I'm not a dumb kid; I have considerable experience with men.

I am also cynical by nature. The fact that this guy was able to snow me so completely is a testament to how good he is at what he does (basically he's a professional bullshitter).

I fell for him immediately, (not something I am prone to do, cynical as I am). I ignored my instincts and let my hormones and emotions take over. Never a good idea.

But of course, our story doesn't end there.

Simon abruptly abandoned his precious dog adorable relationship prop and his wife of seven years and fled the country to England, his genitals firmly wrapped in a custom-made protective casing not unlike one you might find on your favorite specialty sausage.

A few months after Andie last spoke to Simon, she received a call from a woman in England asking about a man named "Simon."

The British woman had recently met a man named "Simon" in her local pub, where he worked as a waiter. The two started dating immediately, and after professing his undying love for her, "Simon" ended up moving into the carriage house behind her property. Simon was starting a business at the time, and had asked his new girlfriend to front $30,000 in seed money to help him get his company off the ground. She agreed to invest in his business, and seriously, does the author of this blog really need to finish typing that story?

Heartbroken and devastated after he disappeared, the British woman began researching Simon's past and tracked down several of Simon's ex-girlfriends, including Andie. "He's a con artist. He uses some women for sex, and some for money," she told Andie.

Andie had posted pictures of Simon on her blog, including the very picture we featured today here on PLFM. The British woman recognized Andie; Simon had posted her photo on the wall of the carriage house, explaining "She's my friend from the United States."

We'll let a remorseful Andie wrap it up:

So while I feel like complete shit, at least I am wearing fantastic underwear. Also, I have a plethora of hot little negligees for any future boy toys to enjoy (and they will, believe me).

He also bought me a new TV, a bunch of meals, drinks, coffees, the dress I am wearing in the photo at the beginning of this post, and a little playhouse for my cats. Another positive thing Shit Stain--I mean Simon-- did was pay my July rent.

The final positive Simon did for me was to give me a chance to warn the citizens of the Twin Cities and--hell, the entire world--to watch out for this fucker. If you see him, give him a good punch in the nuts for me, and, for the love of all things holy, DO NOT believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

If he tells you 2 + 2 = 4, check his facts.

I can also take comfort in these words of wisdom from the esteemed poet Bono: Instant karma's gonna get him, if I don't get him first.

I know this much is true.

Take a good look at Simon in our headline photo ladies, and remember that face.

We'd also like to hear from some of the other women duped by this guy, as I'm hoping some of them will find their way to PLFM.

And if you see him out in public in Minneapolis, Brighton, or anywhere else, feel free to launch the sole side of your shoe directly into his balls for Andie.

If you've been duped by a married guy online or through a dating site for singles only and can prove it to PLFM with emails, send us an email and the story behind it.

If you've been duped by a married man, feel free to fess up anonymously in the comments if you want.

If you got your sweet revenge, even better.

(You can find Andie's blog and a brief write-up of her experience at http://andiepants.blogspot.com/2008_08_01_archive.html.)

Thou Shalt Not Snoop

Caitlin was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household and admits upfront to PLFM that she had very little experience dealing with men until her college years.

Of course, we're not saying Caitlin was completely unfamiliar with boys; Caitlin actually dated a guy named Larry for a while, but Larry also had a fundamentalist Christian background, and refused to hug Caitlin because he felt it was "too physical" and "would cause sin" in the eyes of God. So, in retrospect, I guess we are saying she was completely unfamiliar with boys.

Unfortunately for Larry, the overworked and underpaid estrogen glands in Caitlin's ovaries began to threaten a body-wide mutiny unless they started getting some serious non-Christian action. Larry and Caitlin amicably went about their separate ways, leaving Caitlin free to venture out into the world and whore it up in the hugging department.

Team Estrogen 1, Jesus 0.

After her breakup with Larry, Caitlin got together with another fundamentalist Christian man named Daniel, who was a family friend and fellow university student. Daniel was charming and handsome, and more than willing to provide Caitlin with hugs and more. Caitlin and Daniel became an item soon after Caitlin's arrival at school, and from there we begin our brief and ugly journey into Caitlin's first real relationship with a man, followed immediately by her first attempt at seeking a form of government protection against him.

In the beginning, Caitlin and Daniel's relationship was all kittens and rainbows. Daniel was kind and gentle, and he had one of those playful, ham-hock type asses that most women might generously applaud had he suddenly decided to scurry up a nearby tree. Daniel always went out of his way to make Caitlin happy, and Caitlin enjoyed his affectionate manner.

But that all changed when Caitlin had some difficulty setting up some of her computer accounts with the university, and Daniel, a computer science major, generously offered to step in and help Caitlin establish her new IM and email accounts. Caitlin appreciated Daniel's generosity, and took a back seat as Daniel spent a few hours fiddling around on her computer. Gosh, what a nice guy!*

*unless you keep reading

What Caitlin didn't know was that Daniel also conveniently decided to install a port that automatically transferred the entire content of Caitlin's instant messaging conversations to his own personal computer. Daniel began monitoring who she was talking to, and what she was talking about.

Caitlin didn't discover Daniel's antics until about a month later, when Caitlin logged into a private online diary she kept on a computer in her home. Daniel had made a crucial error in hiding his tracks; namely, after hacking into her computer, he decided to leave his own commentary in her personal diary. After reading through Caitlin's private thoughts, Daniel left his own entry and berated her for not sharing her feelings with him. Daniel concluded his entry with the following statement:

"I know I've really complicated things by reading this and for that I am sorry... If I don't hear from you, I'll take it as a sign things are over."

Caitlin was mortified her jackass of a boyfriend had hacked into her computer and read her personal diary. Before she could even absorb what had just transpired, Caitlin stepped out into the hallway and found Daniel waiting for her, twiddling his thumbs and whistling innocently while looking up at the sky. We'll let Caitlin describe what happened next:

"I was still so dazed I didn't know how to react and he somehow managed to get me to stay. I really don't remember how. But he was good at pitching emotional fits to get me to react to him and pay attention. Plus, forgiveness is always good, right? A fundamentalist background doesn't prepare one for dating in ways other than making a hug into some sort of sexual sin.

That said, I REALLY should have known better."

PLFM will now allow our readers a few moments for low-pitched groans and light eye-rolling.

Done?

It's OK Caitlin, we understand. You had to learn the hard way. A lot of us do.

Caitlin and Daniel resumed their relationship and dated throughout the rest of the semester. At the conclusion of the semester, Caitlin began a summer research internship in another state. Over the course of her internship, Caitlin made a remarkable transformation in her life: She began to question the principles and beliefs of fundamentalist Christians. She'd expressed her reservations about religion to Daniel before, but now, away from the cacophony of religious zealots in her immediate environment, Caitlin was free to examine her own thoughts about her religious upbringing.

Caitlin ultimately decided it was all a bunch of nonsense. Secure and confident in her decision, Caitlin completed a full and immediate transition to "atheist," and called Daniel to deliver the news.

Daniel exploded when he heard Caitlin no longer believed in God, and reached deep into his arsenal of emotionally manipulative tricks to change Caitlin's mind. First, he tried his screaming and ranting routine, which failed miserably. Defeated, he moved on to Phase II, the "crying hysterically" routine, which Caitlin had already seen one too many times from Daniel. Phase III was the ever-popular "silent treatment with arms crossed" move perfected by resilient 6 year-olds the world over, and when that ultimately failed, Daniel moved on to Phase IV.

Daniel unequivocally terminated their relationship because Caitlin had denounced God.

Daniel said he never wanted to hear from Caitlin again, and immediately blocked her from instant messaging him. But of course that didn't mean Caitlin would never hear from Daniel again, because he continually called and messaged her, crying and weeping, and generally coating Caitlin's keyboard and phone receiver with a thick, viscous solution of spittle, phlegm and random Bible verses.

So we got that folks?

Daniel dumped Caitlin.

Got it? Let's say it as a group:

Daniel DUMPED CAITLIN.

Now, Caitlin was a little bit upset her relationship had ended, but really it was more like the way you might feel when your two-year contract with Sprint Mobile ends. Although she was having a great time away from Daniel, he kept haranguing her to re-connect their internet messaging program to talk "as friends." Caitlin finally relented and agreed to re-connect with him, as long as they remained friends ONLY.

Daniel then sent the following email after he broke up with her:

Caitlin,

This is the easiest way to re-add you. Just reply with something.

I'm sorry about tonight. My feelings for you have changed and I don't know how to relate to you anymore, especially when I come away frustrated every time we talk even though I don't know what I wanted in the first place. I just don't know anything anymore and I can't trust anything I thought I once knew. Things have been pushed back to the beginning and I don't know if I want to even try to build them back up, but of course I don't know why. I know I must not be making any sense at all.

I'm also wondering what you think. You said that you see me as a friend and I'm not quite sure how to take that. In one way, I'm almost hurt you were able to release your feelings that easily, if you ever had them at all. I can guess at this point you'll be pretty annoyed that I don't believe you, but I don't see how I can believe you. I did trust you, but I can't anymore, not after what happened. You shattered my trust at a very very deep level. I just don't know what to think.

Now you're most likely looking over this with unemotional eyes picking holes in the things I say and you'll give me back something akin to a red marked paper with a bad grade at the end and a note to do better next time. You seem to be jumping to conclusions with the things I say a lot more lately.

Confused,

Daniel.

Yeah, Caitlin, you big trust-shatterer. Illegally recording someone's personal conversations and hacking into their computer to read their personal thoughts is one thing, but expressing your true feelings to a loved one? What a fucking travesty! Shame on you!

Caitlin immediately began to regret allowing Daniel to instant message her again. Over the next few weeks, Daniel sent Caitlin numerous missives regarding her internship. His favorite topics included:

1. How can Caitlin no longer believe in God?

2. Was Caitlin fucking those reckless, drunk college kids that didn't believe in God?

3. Most importantly, was Caitlin enjoying fucking all the guys she was working with, or just fucking some of them?

4. When fucking them, in what style was she fucking them, how often was she fucking them, and what were her personal feelings regarding her free-for-all fuck-a-thon of an internship?

As Caitlin's internship came to a close, Daniel knew Caitlin would return to school, so eased up on his questioning in anticipation of her return.

Upon her return, Daniel went right back into boyfriend mode. Although he had dumped her, he constantly questioned all her relationships with her male co-workers, complained endlessly that she wasn't spending enough time with him, and repeatedly accused her of getting pregnant during her internship. "That guy even got jealous of my homework," says Caitlin. She quickly tired of his endless harassment, and began to avoid him at all costs.

A week or so after Caitlin returned from her internship, Caitlin's sister was scheduled to be baptized in a local river, and Daniel was invited to the ceremony in order to take photographs for the family. He also attended the reception afterwards, where Daniel became insanely jealous of Larry, Caitlin's "no hug" ex-boyfriend who had the nerve to strike up a conversation with Caitlin.

Then suddenly, Daniel disappeared.

A few hours later, Daniel re-appeared and asked Caitlin if she wanted to come with him to a party where everyone planned on playing a game called "sardines." "It's like hide-and-seek in the dark," he said, "and at the end, everyone's squished together in one place!" Needless to say, at this point Caitlin preferred to cuddle with actual sardines. She refused his offer.

Later that evening, Caitlin's phone rang. She recognized the number as Daniel's, but no name came up on her cellphone screen. As it turns out, when Daniel had gone missing at the party, he had actually gone inside and found Caitlin's cellphone and deleted the entirety of her call logs and some of her stored cellphone numbers.

Furious, Caitlin didn't answer her phone, so Daniel proceeded to call her obsessively on both Caitlin's cellphone and her home phone. Caitlin's exasperated mother finally answered and told him he was no longer welcome in their home, nor was he to attempt to contact Caitlin again.

Of course, Daniel then immediately sent Caitlin an email, to which Caitlin responded:

I am not talking to you, it is not negotiable.

Daniel responded to Caitlin's email with yet another email:

Caitlin,

I'm really distressed and confused right now so I hope this makes sense. I'm going to assume this has something to do with me deleting myself from your phone. I was using XXXXXX's phone when I called your house and had a really bad connection. I couldn't hear your mother hardly at all so I hung up and went looking for another phone. When I tried again no one answered.

You really can't take a joke can you. I've done things to my friends phones before like, delete myself, change their banner, background image or things like that. I intended it to be taken like you goof now add it back. You seem to have taken it completely wrong, like I did it maliciously. If I had been malicious wouldn't I have deleted XXXXXX's, or XXXXX's or XXXXXX's number instead of my own?

I will admit I was a little bit annoyed with you. You seemed to be spending quite a bit of time with Larry and just barely saying anytime to me. Now there were a lot of explanations for this so I wasn't going to jump to conclusions and was going to bring up the issue later.

Seriously, that is what I was going to do. I was also going to ask you what you thought about your sister getting baptized, but I was going to leave all those questions for a later time. My hope was that you were happy for your sister and that it could be a happy day for you seeing people and celebrating your sister's baptism. I seem to have unknowingly destroyed that.

As I said before I was a little annoyed with you when I left. That's why I ignored you at first. Then I realized I wasn't thinking of you again and came back. As far as your "I'm tired" for not wanted to come that evening. I believed you, you did look tired.

Daniel

Once again, Caitlin did not respond, yet was forced to later in the day when Daniel arrived at her place of employment to discuss why Caitlin was not responding to his emails or phone calls.

Caitlin again thoroughly explained why she was through with Daniel's habitual boundary and privacy violations, and was concerned because Daniel was obviously having issues with continued contact despite her repeated requests to stay away. She walked right past him and left, once again instructing him not to contact her anymore.

Undeterred, Daniel sent Caitlin another email that evening apologizing for his behavior, followed by yet another email the following evening.

Caitlin,

You looked horrible today. Like something was really bothering you. Now I'm not going to even attempt to figure out what that is, but I did want you to know that no matter what happens I still care for you and always have even if it doesn't always seem that way. I'll be praying for you.

Daniel

Says Caitlin:

"I was not bothered at all that day until this email showed up, I was having a great day, fun classes, hanging out with normal friends, beautiful day out etc......."

The next day, Daniel decided to corner Caitlin on campus after one of her classes. Caitlin told him to leave her the fuck alone and tried to hurry away, but Daniel relentlessly followed her and Caitlin's classmate all the way to her next class. When they arrived, Daniel pulled out a CD and threw it on Caitlin's desk. "Here's your baptism pictures."

Another email followed:

Caitlin,

I still wonder if you know how cruel you're being? Are you not aware that your actions are cruel or do you know and still keep doing them? The Caitlin I know wouldn't do something intentionally cruel.

It still doesn't make sense that you went from smiling to the coldest I've seen. That isn't you. What happened? You're not one for quick decisions, but from my view you did this time. Now you must have yourself in quite a mess. To go back you would have to admit to yourself and everyone involved that you were wrong in your actions. The you I know would have at least told me what was going on and then told me what you were going to do about it. Instead you completely severed everything with no explanation, why?

And in case you were wondering, it does hurt. I'm not sure if that brings you joy to see me hurting, but it's the truth. To see someone that I dearly care for treat me like this it does hurt, but the truth is I still do care even though you are treating me the way you are.

Daniel

Again Caitlin didn't respond, so this time Daniel barreled into one of Caitlin's classes to harass her about not taking his calls or answering his emails. Caitlin repeatedly asked Daniel to leave the room, but he refused. She physically tried to push him out the door, but he still refused to leave. Finally, a classmate came to Caitlin's aid and instructed Daniel that he was to leave the grounds immediately.

Daniel refused to leave until Caitlin returned the CD of baptism pictures he had given her, so Caitlin happily returned his CD as Daniel was escorted out of the room. "I really didn't want to put the CD on my computer anyway," says Caitlin, "for fear of viruses or other Trojan stuff he could have put on it."

Caitlin then received her final email before the school finally took action against Daniel.

Caitlin,

This is so ridiculous as to almost be funny. You stop communications with me and never tell me why and when I attempt to ask I get something like I'm not talking to you and leave me alone. This has got to be the worst way to handle a situation I've ever seen. Seriously I have no idea what this accomplishes other than people getting hurt. What am I supposed to do? Figure out what I did out of thin air? I always thought of you as a logical person, but where's the logic in this?

Daniel

After several weeks, Caitlin had finally had enough. She prepared a large folder of Daniel's emails and took them to university officials and explained the entire situation to them. His constant harassment, his continuous and baseless accusations of her sleeping around even though they were no longer together, his insane jealousy and his inability to cease contacting her despite her repeated requests.

The university called Daniel in, and informed him he was to have absolutely no further contact with Caitlin.

And to this day, Caitlin hasn't heard a peep out of Daniel.

But, of course, we'll let her finish him off.......

"For the next 8 months every time he saw me on campus sidewalk he'd give me a Nazi salute and say "Heil Hitler!" He did it loud enough for me to hear, so if he was a ways away it would be yelled. Once when I was reading outside with a good view of several sidewalks I noticed that he went out of his way to go past me so he could give me the salute from closer. Oh well. The rest of the student body must have thought he was a Neo-Nazi or something."

Smooth, Daniel.

Very smooth.